Death, is only the beginning...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I'm empty, Im feeling bored,
this isn't helping as I need to focus on my studies.
I guess it's must be a side effect.
I don't want to feel this way , I want this feeling out.

I'm crystal clear now and I need to get this out.
Maybe when Im away for awhile things might be better
This is why.... I shouldn't have .. And should not let it be...

I will fix this for sure and I will because I know I can do it.

For now I shall study, I'm thinking how to cope with everything when I feel like sleeping

For now I rest my soul here a while and fight my war head on

-MajorDuivel faced death at 9:58 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I have enough of everything,
I'm grasping for air that when I breathe in,
I dont get enough oxygen.

My chest is hurting for real. Lol.. Maybe my wish is coming soon.

I should start distancing myself from everyone as this way everyone would be safer around me
To my friends I'm sorry but this is my ultimatum to not get anyone involved.
I understand you guys have your problem to deal with and you don't need me to add into your
List of problems, thanks for being my friend, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Goodnite and goodbye
major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 2:09 AM

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Qui dit étude dit travail,
Qui dit taf te dit les thunes,
Qui dit argent dit dépenses,
Qui dit crédit dit créance,
Qui dit dette te dit huissier,
Oui dit assis dans la merde.
Qui dit Amour dit les gosses,
Dit toujours et dit divorce.
Qui dit proches te dis deuils car les problèmes ne viennent pas seul.
Qui dit crise te dis monde dit famine dit tiers- monde.
Qui dit fatigue dit réveille encore sourd de la veille,
Alors on sort pour oublier tous les problèmes.
Alors on danse… (x9)
Et la tu t’dis que c’est fini car pire que ça ce serait la mort.
Qu’en tu crois enfin que tu t’en sors quand y en a plus et ben y en a encore!
Ecstasy dis problème les problèmes ou bien la musique.
Ca t’prends les trips ca te prends la tête et puis tu prie pour que ça s’arrête.
Mais c’est ton corps c’est pas le ciel alors tu t’bouche plus les oreilles.
Et là tu cries encore plus fort et ca persiste…
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala
Alors on chante
Alors on chante
Et puis seulement quand c’est fini, alors on danse.
Alors on danse (x7)
Et ben y en a encore (x5)

English Translation:

So We Just Dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
When we say study, it means work,
When we say work, it means money,
When we say money, it means spending
When we say credit, it means debt,
When we say debt, it means bailiff,
We agree to being in deep sh*t
When we say love, it means kids,
When we say forever, it means divorce.
When we say family, we say grief, because misfortune never comes alone.
When we say crisis, we talk about the wold, famine and then third world.
When we say tiredness, we talk about waking up still deaf from sleepless night
So we just go out to forget all our problems.
So we just dance… (X9)
So you say that it’s over because the only thing worse would be death.
When you finally think you’ll make it, there’s more and more!
Ecstasy means a problem, problems or just music.
It grabs you by the guts, it takes hold of your head and then you pray for it to end.
But your body is no heaven so you block your ears even more.
And then you yell even louder and it goes on…
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
So we just sing
And then only when it’s over, then we dance.
So we just dance (x7)
And well, there’s still more (x5)

-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:19 PM

Thursday, June 09, 2011

-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:23 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2011

If only our mind is like a hard-drive which we can press a button and wipe out everything in mere seconds. The pain, the happiness, the different flavours of life would be deleted instantly from just one click. And when that happen you will become a person, who dun even remember who you were, how you were and the people around you would seems to be faces, you never seen before.
My vision on how I view the world was from bleak to grey to dark. The saddest part of me which is im not color-blinded by nature, but with what I’m seeing right now. It all in black and white which equivalence of being a color-blind personnel, with no such thing as colors existed.
I had to view the world thru a lens to see the color, to feel what it was and to store what I felt somewhere in this hard-drive of mine.

at times when I was younger I would draw these files from my compartment to view them to feel human again, as when time goes by the humanity side of me is leaving. And im starting to be a soul-less person who is just an empty shell walking around.
And at times there are some files like in the hard-drive which are hidden documents which should never be open as it would be like a virus that might corrupt my either mood. And such folders would only be opened once in awhile when there are a need to store more of such things in there.
I may sound sick by relating this to a computer. Now how I wish is to hit the plug to shut the computer down, when it stop beating that is when it really get completely deleted from this world.
For now I guess I shall carry on being a zombie walking around without a heartbeat and heart to being with.
-----
Being sane isn’t as easy as being insane.
being smart isn’t that difficult that being stupid.
Being logical isn’t a good thing too.
Now tell me if life is hard. Why bother?
Why bother so much in achieving so much to please other but not yourself.
-----

unstable atom in the house,
DUIVEL

-MajorDuivel faced death at 5:01 PM

Friday, April 29, 2011

It been awhile since I last blog. So much had happen and change in my absence of blogging. I didn’t really mean there is changes in myself but things around me that made my lifestyle in a mess right now.

studies is still going alright, Im still trying to cope with it as always thanks to my group of friends we are helping each other out as much as we can.
Recently I did something which I can’t undo. Which kind of was my first grave mistake after a long time, never have I been so pushed into a corner and have things shove down my throat which I can’t fight against it.
Never once the water had ripples occurring that it is actually brewing up a storm somewhere, which no matter what it like I’m going to face it with the duivel style head-on.
i somehow feel that Something had change in me and I am trying to shut that dysfunctional part down and fix it but no matter how hard I try, it just get bigger. It’s like a parchment with a drop of ink from a fountain pen holding against the paper and the link slowly seeping into the paper and it just starts to spread to its surrounding without a way to reverse the procedure. Even by lifting the pen up to stop it, it’s already too late, as once a clean parchment has already been stained. The only way is toss the paper away or find a way to cover up the stain to make it less obvious that it had been soiled.
What can I do now? I’m trying to seek a answer that I even resort asking my oracle book for answers. The best thing is that I am typing this blog with my eye close letting my finger feels it way thru the keyboard of my lappy. As its my mind speaking on its own.
How am I going to readjust everything and make it perfect for myself again?
that I’m already doubting myself what is called perfect and what is called myself when I don’t even know myself. And how could perfect a word really explain the true perfectness when that is something which can’t be obtain in any world, as go by the famous saying “nothing is perfect” .

I could see the breaking point coming on soon, so how do I make sure I hold it together for sure as I’m sure this time when it got broken thru this time it’s hard to patch things back as im very sure the our pouring feelings and thoughts and intention isn’t going to be good in any sense. Guess “I” am really going to let me be myself soon, the real me soon.
Guess I have murdered myself and let the other self take over till when it get murdered and captured by the other self and lock the “real” one up again.

WELCOME BACK To the world of darkness again.

MAJOR DUIVEL

-MajorDuivel faced death at 12:51 AM

Thursday, March 31, 2011

One of my favourite month is coming to an end. This month have been like a dream I never had in a way. even though my studies It’s hard to study as everytime when I stare at the lecture notes it give me a headache, but today is my Stats 1400 final exams. I am going in with lots of confidence and calm. Which I wanted this to be done and over with. But today is the last day of the month of march, I have been so busy that I forget to come down of my cloud number nine after my birthday. And after today is the mark of April I wonder would april be as good as march. my friends, Im missing their company, I sort of “bailed” out of their outing due to my exams. I went broke in the start of march lol.. I hope I wont keep up this streak in april as I cant afford to be poor in april, when my threadless shirt and my jersey arrived I bet I will be hahaha.. I am too calm to be true for my exams now. I will be having a discussion with my friends at 5.30pm at my campus. And my test is 7pm. Just to clear up any final doubts before heading in for the exams. BORING……… Boring………… I AM DYING. I want to go out to play. Lol….

-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:42 PM