Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Dear blog,
It has been awhile since I have update right?
During this time of my unfelt presence, there was so many things that happen along the way. That I cant write them down in chronological order. There were so many up and down just like a rollercoaster, just like what the well known song that states life is just like a rollercoaster. For me mine is like a Ferris wheel, no matter how slow it climb I didn’t reach the highest point yet. Even when I did, the wheel would slowly creep back down flat to zero.
Haha, I’m reformed, yes I was reformed I’m undergoing, how to be a better person reboot camp with a help of a guiding angel, this angel is one hell heaven brilliant person who is able to englighten me about things which I am not right. Im grateful that I have a guiding angel looking out for me, guiding me, teaching me, I stood out of everything and watch everything infront of me just like a movie airing , Im changing for the better. And im really happy that , this person came into my life and guide a lost sheep back to the right path. I may still be far away from the right course, but I will definitely be better.
Just now before my laptop became a bee-yacht to me, and hang on me. I started tearing because I heard a song triggering me to remember how upset I was, losing my grandma. But that song does applies to other way too, I just felt the song and got sad. Im not suppose to listen to sad songs, which during that time when I recall abt the sadness I had, there is something else that trigger me to be sad. It was something I did on one day. That day was embedded in my head so clearly, I remember what I did so clearly and I remember that date so clearly.
Now Im starting to live like a normal person, I ran away from reality so long and caused the real me to be stuck at a very young age, now im dealing with a struggle of merging both the real me with the current me. That’s why I had a guidance now.. its gonna be hard but baby step slowly forward.
Ah.. what am I talking about? Don’t care about it, since no one knew what im talking about that is better.
How long has it been since I have stop to reflect? 3 years?
Right now im not alone anymore , I have people out there who is going to help me. Its not lonely anymore, playing alone in that large beautiful place.
*smile* im still duivel, but just like my blog name je t’aime ange.
Till then,
MD
-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:09 PM
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
My beloved blog, it’s been awhile.
You are still here means I’m still breathing.
These recent months have been bleak. Everything is in a mess that I can’t tell what reality is and what reality isn’t anymore. I would say my life is like a joke now… everything I knew or thought I knew wasn’t the truth. I didn’t see myself out side of the picture.
I had been blinded to see, to know that what I have done was actually, in fact harming myself.
I see that now clearly, I’m going to rectify the issue. And then see how it goes, I did say some hurtful stuff but I was being selfish as I had to do this for my own well being. I had a understanding and kind heart but something like that I have to think for myself. As being kind doesn’t really give u a good return, today I realized how much happier I was 3 years ago. I was so happy, I called a friend up and chit chat, she save me again… as always my FYP team mate always safe me from myself.
I promised someone I wont think of the bad things of myself. But how can I not….
I shall reflect now on myself and try to change myself back to what I was.
I shant let what happen recently change me.
I … wish to be alone for now, to think, to be calm, to talk to my emo self at the same time. Talk to the real me.
Im tire d, sleepy and I need to rest.
im going to change the habit.
I dun care what others thinks about me when they don’t personally knows me. I may seem arrogant, snobbish, high and mighty but that is the fake stuff. No one knows me till they talk to me, I dislike how others judge me but I cant do anything to change it. U have a bad impression on me go ahead, im not here to impress anyone. Im being myself, but then again am i? image is something t hat is a mere projection of self, the question lies in if the image of what so ever you call is a fake image you projected to make yourself look good. Then tell me whats the point in pleasing everyone and be so fake when that isn’t the real you.
Im not a person who live to impress, Im not a nasty person they ppl may think. But yes I get frustrated with things and rant but hey, Who do u think you are by going behind talking abt ppl. I would say if u have the guts Tell me straight in the face. because talking behind ppl’s back is the lowest level u can get, but then again, words are free. You can say what u want it doesn’t hurts, stick and stone does.
Try harder, im not a vengeful person but get your facts straight first.
And make sure you open your eyes wide to see clearly the things first, before casting a judgment on ppl as no one has the supreme power over others.
Anyway no one read this.. the power of darkness is raising I can feel it in me. its coming back to me now, im sorry little rabbit but u need to go back in now. Lets hope I can see you tonight and talk to u .
This whole month feels like a dream and its coming to an end.
When April comes, the bubble burst and it time to come back down to earth.
I dun even know what im talking about. Everything is jumble up.
Major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:38 PM
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Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The world of darkness is like the world of a cage,
No matter where you turn, you still can never get out of the cage.
The shrinking of the cage suffocates one and devours the person bits by bits, parts by parts that the soul of the person is broken that it can never be repaired.
Staying in the world like that will just make one to choose not to see the world as this only darkness surrounding it
-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:59 AM
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Friday, November 23, 2012
Ladies and gentleman Im back......
the darkest is always looming into the pitch black again, the clouds is hovering into the night with a thunder storm closing into the night sky. Ah a pleasing and familiar night again which only I would enjoy such darkest.
when darkest come into view every logically things get push back and the person inside wants to push out and get out but as I enter the room, it stares at me and smile and gave me a hug to welcome me back into the room that shouldn’t be entered.
The past few months I didn’t update my life was like in a mess and only “it” know everything. Life goes on and still I breathe in each day with a breath of what might come, might just go as life just moves on and never wait.
Right now the little devil is jumping up and down and the angel has resign for the moment and let darkest over run the land again as the colors were taken away again.
Ps: I re-read some of my writing I cant believe I actually miss the old me.
Major Duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:47 AM
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Saturday, July 16, 2011
I'm empty, Im feeling bored,
this isn't helping as I need to focus on my studies.
I guess it's must be a side effect.
I don't want to feel this way , I want this feeling out.
I'm crystal clear now and I need to get this out.
Maybe when Im away for awhile things might be better
This is why.... I shouldn't have .. And should not let it be...
I will fix this for sure and I will because I know I can do it.
For now I shall study, I'm thinking how to cope with everything when I feel like sleeping
For now I rest my soul here a while and fight my war head on
-MajorDuivel faced death at 9:58 PM
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Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I have enough of everything,
I'm grasping for air that when I breathe in,
I dont get enough oxygen.
My chest is hurting for real. Lol.. Maybe my wish is coming soon.
I should start distancing myself from everyone as this way everyone would be safer around me
To my friends I'm sorry but this is my ultimatum to not get anyone involved.
I understand you guys have your problem to deal with and you don't need me to add into your
List of problems, thanks for being my friend, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Goodnite and goodbye
major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 2:09 AM
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Sunday, June 12, 2011
Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Qui dit étude dit travail,
Qui dit taf te dit les thunes,
Qui dit argent dit dépenses,
Qui dit crédit dit créance,
Qui dit dette te dit huissier,
Oui dit assis dans la merde.
Qui dit Amour dit les gosses,
Dit toujours et dit divorce.
Qui dit proches te dis deuils car les problèmes ne viennent pas seul.
Qui dit crise te dis monde dit famine dit tiers- monde.
Qui dit fatigue dit réveille encore sourd de la veille,
Alors on sort pour oublier tous les problèmes.
Alors on danse… (x9)
Et la tu t’dis que c’est fini car pire que ça ce serait la mort.
Qu’en tu crois enfin que tu t’en sors quand y en a plus et ben y en a encore!
Ecstasy dis problème les problèmes ou bien la musique.
Ca t’prends les trips ca te prends la tête et puis tu prie pour que ça s’arrête.
Mais c’est ton corps c’est pas le ciel alors tu t’bouche plus les oreilles.
Et là tu cries encore plus fort et ca persiste…
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala
Alors on chante
Alors on chante
Et puis seulement quand c’est fini, alors on danse.
Alors on danse (x7)
Et ben y en a encore (x5)
English Translation:
So We Just Dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
When we say study, it means work,
When we say work, it means money,
When we say money, it means spending
When we say credit, it means debt,
When we say debt, it means bailiff,
We agree to being in deep sh*t
When we say love, it means kids,
When we say forever, it means divorce.
When we say family, we say grief, because misfortune never comes alone.
When we say crisis, we talk about the wold, famine and then third world.
When we say tiredness, we talk about waking up still deaf from sleepless night
So we just go out to forget all our problems.
So we just dance… (X9)
So you say that it’s over because the only thing worse would be death.
When you finally think you’ll make it, there’s more and more!
Ecstasy means a problem, problems or just music.
It grabs you by the guts, it takes hold of your head and then you pray for it to end.
But your body is no heaven so you block your ears even more.
And then you yell even louder and it goes on…
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
So we just sing
And then only when it’s over, then we dance.
So we just dance (x7)
And well, there’s still more (x5)
-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:19 PM
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