Death, is only the beginning...

Friday, March 27, 2009

This is so contradicting for myself, I said that I won’t join the graduation ceremony but in the end I still go even though I submitted a reply saying I won’t be attending. It was like a mistake, if I were to take my transcript 1 day before hand and my testimonial from my supervisor then I won’t be tempted hahah.. But anyway I am attending it without any regret now like I will never know if I would ever go through another graduation ceremony in the future. U see I had an argument with my folks so I only had wrote I would request for A invite card since I didn’t register I have to wait for them to get back to me. And to my horror both my parents wants to attend so today I had to go back to RP to change the list I wrote to 2 invite card instead of 1.
Now what I got to hope is the student remember to tell the in charge about it since I change in the list and I did inform her that I think HE key into excel already so just inform him about it. (I saw him wrote some kind of notes at the side so ya)
My dad told me, my mom was grinning like crazy, about the whole graduation ceremony thingy. Ah fang if u read this I think you were right about joining graduation ceremony, something I shouldn’t missed out even it is boring haha.. too bad you are not in Singapore or else I WILL MAKE SURE U ATTEND MY GRADUATION CEREMONY.

The other thing I didn’t told my mom was I apply for SMU. Since she said what I want to do I Dun need to inform her anymore thus only my dad knows about it. So by now I think u know why I wanted to have A invite card; yes that is for my father only. It seems like now my mom is my friend again and my bro is her enemy after they had an argument the other day.

So anyway I went to run errands for my family and myself yesterday and today. I don’t understand why I would do so much for my younger brother. LOl he even gives me expenses for my trip down to SIm lim square, this is the first time he done that. Well at least I found the thing for him so he won’t get his ass kick in navy. All those running around yesterday got my feet quite sore which I had such a bad pain in my knee last night, which I was kind of limping around the house. This is what happens if u Skip 1 day of self treatment.

Yesterday after getting the robes for graduation, I had so much mixed feeling like three years gone so fast and seem like everyone is going to have a new chapter in their life. My FYP supervisor even though I didn’t like him during FYP days he was rather nice of teaching me strategic way of writing resumes for jobs haha…

Now I wonder WILL our LAB TECH graduate with us? *evil grin* haha this is like some sort of test do she actually read this? Wont it be cool huh Jess? All of us in robe taking photo with u ?( haha but honestly it look disgusting funny with the hood hahaa.. but at least TAKe photos with us, After this grad ceremony lets all GO cosplay HARRy potter ok? Just go buy long scarf and wands and brooms. This is a good idea for Halloween party lol)

-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:56 AM

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Gosh~ I have been so restless that my brain is not in the right condition to even write.
Yes I am still alive, I am not so breakable *dry laughter*… but sometimes I do feel breakable just I need the right amount of force.

I was talking to a friend the other day *scratch head* ‘was it yesterday?’ Anyway I can’t remember I think it was yesterday. She told me that she believe one day all the volcano will erupt at the same time and the world will just end that day.

For me I think the world will split into half hahaa… ok enough of this.. But just like what my friend said is from matchbox twenty lyrics look below.
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Extract from Matchbox twenty lyrics- How far we’ve come

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every morning before,
now I wonder what my life is going to mean if its gone,
the cars are moving like a half a mile an hour if that
I started staring at the passengers waving goodbye
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time

[chorus]
but I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

Well I, believe, its all, coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

I think its turning to a clock but I don't really know
I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there was no where to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
said where you going you know the world is heading for hell
say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to..

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haha… don’t you find them similar ?
I am so unsure what is gonna happen in my life… everything is mundane now for me.

till then,

M.D

-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:12 AM

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

DEAD AND GONE……

SING WITH TI AND JT

-MajorDuivel faced death at 8:36 PM

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Today seems like a normal day in the morning. But what didnt really follow to plan was the outbreak of rows of argument I had with my mom. I had too many things bottle up in me that suddenly when I snapped everything tumble out.

Just like NPG told me, that is one scary thing. I agree with you, but for me to explode it takes lots and lots of effort unless u know how to push the right button.

Finally I heard the word I want to hear from my parents, “I am very disappointed in you” I feel happy hearing this. That mean they have been expecting lots from me too much that I don’t know what to do.

I agree that I am not different I am the same as everyone. I need my complement I need attention but all of them were not given. Yes I am selfish, everyone is selfish don’t tell me you are not!

I don’t understand what they want. They want too much, too much.

Now I what I want is for me to vanish in thin air, if I could I would.
How about a car ramping me over?
Laugh…

MD

-MajorDuivel faced death at 12:42 PM

Friday, March 13, 2009

Happy birthday my beloved MIKEY!!! You are 9 years old in human age. Hahah but in dog Gosh u are old!!

WISH U WOULD LIVE LONGER TO BUG ME!!

Haha my birthday present to you is just some meat! Hahaa…

My mom got jealous … I cook for mikey hahaa… specially for him thus I DUN know how to cook so ya...

Staying home doing nothing is BORINg!!!!

I am like now thinking how to win in the C&C 3 game…

Oh ya tomorrow ez and Jessie they all would be having picnic at ECP! Haha I hope it would be a fine weather for you guys! I will make it up by arranging one outing with everyone from my FYp team and the rest of you. *smile*

-MajorDuivel faced death at 9:58 PM

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Argh… I am not in the right state of mind to even blog.

I really feel like cracking my head up and take my brain out and SQUASH it with all my might. And make sure it doesn’t make any more sound. *smile delighted while thinking*
The only organ transplant I would object coming out of my body is my brain. I believe it deserve to be POKE by thousands scalpel.

Check this cool video out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kxDxLAjkO8

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I want to shout but no sound is coming out of me
I want to cry but there is nothing to cry
I want to die but there is no one willing to kill me
I can’t tell apart what is real and what is not anymore
I lost touch with the real world and the virtual
Ah.. May the whispering one save me…
For I been gone to a place of no redemption
----------------------------------------------------

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 9:46 PM

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I went to Malaysia on Sunday. It was not that bad but what is the bad part was I didn’t sleep the whole night. We (my family and some family friends) stayed up the whole night, as we were at the temple. We know that by sleeping for only 2 more hours is not going to help improve the situation as we need to be at jurong east at 6.30am. Thus 90% of us were awake; the only thing that can make us awake is by chit chatting.

But before that I help send someone back home and I get to ramp the manual car (proton saga) it’s been awhile since I last drove a manual car. *use finger to count* 3 years + since I passed my traffic police test for driving. So it was fun driving that car as it was design in a sporty model, which the first gear, once you clutch in you want to move off your accelerator pedal has to be 50% off before releasing the clutch a bit. Then it wont stall I got the car stalled a few times because I didn’t understand this, haha after a while I got the hang of it and it was fun shifting gears. When I drive manual car, and I get all so happy that I will forget the road limits hahaa…
Set that aside, yes I didnt sleep but I was tired you see the driving of the manual car really got me awake.

Everyone was a bit cranky and sleepy. Thus we won’t talking much except joking around like usual during the journey. I bet the tour guide she find us awfully quiet at first, this is because we were all sleeping, recharging our in-built battery. After a short nap everyone was noise again. thus she couldnt stand us at all. You dun need a whole bus full of people to be noise all you need is 18 of us and the whole bus would tear down.

This trip was suppose to go Malacca but it seems we were all bluff into it, thus thanks to auntie jess quick notice of the itinerary list that we would only be in JB, thanks to her we all have our bubble burst early.(iam not blaming her i am saying that it was good of her to spot it early)
Like what I would say better to find out first than knowing it later. The higher your expectation comes with a greater disappointment. everyone was rather bored as we found out the truth , but what can we do? Just live with it and enjoy this minor screw up.

Overall everyone enjoyed themselves.

I got a ring, black agate ring. It is a form of crystal. Someone told me it to ward off evil thus this is good.
But from what I found online quote from a website this is what it say abt it :
“Black Agate brings the Great Spirit into ones life. Attracts good fortune. Increases concentration and clarity. Promotes good will. Aids in overcoming flaws, fears, and loneliness. Removes jinxes, helps eliminate bad luck. Has a calming effect during times of stress. Gives a sense of strength and courage. Encourages fertility. Powerful healer. Especially beneficial for bone marrow and allergies.
Black Agate is used for Protection, Courage, Success. It is worn for courage and success in competitions.Black Agate with their hot energy helps Reproduction System. Excellent stone during Menopause, it's also helpful for Breast Tumor.
Agate protects new life and therefore it's excellent stone during pregnancy.”

like this click here http://www.beadjam.com/images/agate%20rings%20black.jpg
So do I believe everything it say? Haha… I am still looking at it skeptically.

Ok I’m being called by the whispering ones,

Major D.

-MajorDuivel faced death at 8:47 PM

Friday, March 06, 2009

It was a great Birthday outing yesterday. Thanks Pals for your accompany the whole evening. Watchmen the movie is not bad.

Now let me skip all those crap.

How I feel if I could be like a particle in the wind, or even be a drop of water. Then there is no choices thrown in front of me. Being a particle in this environment I won’t be even be affect it I would be just like a cycle, a never ending cycle that doesn’t decide on anything. If I could choose what I want to be I would definitely choose those options above. I am starting to wonder who am i? What am I? And where am i? it is all fundamental questions again.

Sometimes I feel I am dead, the time I was born. That life itself is death. The sweet aroma of that is so alluring. I am already sick and tired of everything.
Honestly I faced death in one way. It was by doing the bungee jump, yes some would say it is the leap of death, some would say as it is just a game. I never felt so much emotion flowing into me at the same time as I did that. I felt fear, I felt joy, I felt relieve, I felt worried and most of all regret. I didn’t feel sad at all, this is something I didn’t tell people I was going through a rollercoaster up there.

After that rollercoaster, I felt I was reborn again. I breach through my emotions as if I lose all of them.
I forget to be happy or excited about something.(when I say happy I mean from the bottom of my heart)

Until last night I realized I was happy for the first time.
Oh what am I turning into?
will I ever find the missing answers?

Till then……….
Goodnight whispering ones,

Major Duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 10:49 PM

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!!
Yes today is Moi Birthday!! Gosh I am 22 now!
Other than birthday wishes something make me smile today. One of my classmate from secondary school, (I know I have bad memories I dun even remember her in my class OPPS!) posted a picture of us as a class on facebook it was one of those FUNNY moments in my school days we were tricked by the camera man. Haha.. Then I saw my student councilor pictures.( Those formal shots.)
It really makes me smile. Even my sec 1 photo... Surprisingly I was skinnier hahaha…

IF it wasn’t for the pictures I won’t go Flipping thru all those stuff to look for them and LAUGH and smile.
Somehow time passes by and I forget about the happy stuff, but only remembering of those bad ones

-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:01 PM

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

V managed to persuade me to do something for my birthday tomorrow.

So yes, tomorrow I will be getting 1 more year added to my life. But I wonder does 1 more year = 10% wiser Added to my life?

It is such a headache… I hate planning but I am always doing the planning ahaha.. Contradiction is occurring. Even 1 birthday outing is such a hassle, which was why I didn’t want to even DO anything hahaa…

To my friends who have wished me happy birthday beforehand. Thanks! (received some on facebook already)
*today there is nothing interesting to share *

dont worry if u thought my birthday was over. lol (my friend wish me 1 month before hand last year. thinking it was my birthday yet it was the same day but different month. Lol that was the day [ 1 month before hand] i was flying off for my holiday)

M.D getting older!

-MajorDuivel faced death at 6:39 PM

Monday, March 02, 2009

HAPPY birthday!
Yes today is my birthday in the lunar calendar. Nope this is not my actual birthday on the Gregorian calendar. So today is my Chinese birthday.
Happy anniversary to my mom and dad
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I was wondering, did my morals/ethics changed?
Do morals /ethics change when you are slightly older?
I understand that everyone would see things differently such as what is amoral and what is immoral.
Today is not a day to reflect on myself.
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Have a great day people.
Major Duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:28 PM

Sunday, March 01, 2009

“Calling your name,
I hear only echoes
Searching the rain, I see only shadows
You've got to show me your faceVoices,
I hear them calling behind me
Phantoms of you are burning inside me
You've got to give me a sign

Fading slowly
You're drifting into darkness
I can't see, I can't think
I need to keep on searching”

Weird, isn’t it?

I am posting song lyrics. This song was one of those songs usually I would listen over and over again without noticing the lyrics. But last night when I got home, I was very tired. I never felt this drain for a long time; ever since I was let off for my holidays to wait for my results. I was not only physically but mentally tired, that I know I am a goner when I am THIS tired that my thoughts were flying all over the place, incoherent that I am also lost. Plus the sleep felt real good for me as I was having insomnia for awhile.

Ok why did I post this lyric. First thing was I find this song relates to me in a way, the lyric capture my attention that it was HOW I feel at the moment. The funny thing is this was the first song played when I decide to listen to t.A.T.u new album, happy smiles. And today it happens again, the same song playing first again.

Nope I am not searching for some lost love. It makes me feel the same way, every time I try to search for myself. Up till now I don’t know myself, sad but true. When the music came on the first thing that went through my mind, gosh that sounds like me, except I am looking for myself. How funny, it is like I am looking for my missing self. sometimes I feel I’m walking through this long endless path with no lights yet I can’t look what is ahead of me as it is darkness, and I can’t turn back as there is no point walking backward. I was so going to giving in to myself and want to be stagnant as it is safer not to progress.

be back for more ~~disturbing~~ stuff hahaa...
M.D

-MajorDuivel faced death at 4:17 PM