Thursday, December 30, 2010
Well 29th december is ciara birthday , I had been giving it some thought after our Christmas wishes. Everything from facebook,msn and text message were what we send each other for Christmas wishes and telephone conversation wishes was the only one not being ticked. therefore since after that I was giving it some thoughts of Wishing her personally lol.. That when the phone call come in place, sucky thing was
I wanted to give her a surprise on 12 midnight exactly but I cant as I was working so, On Wednesday afternoon at my time 4pm I was still excited about calling but since I was at work and they are like 16 hrs different from us. I was think since when I got back home it would be like 3-4 + am so I shall wait and rest for the night and call her back later in the morning.
Which at 7am today my brother got me up, and made me drive like I was in a grand prix lol.. as I had to deliver him his identification card which I made the trip twice, since it is important for his traffic police test for motorbike. At 7.30+am I decided to give it a shot, as it was 3+pm coming to 4pm in SD. Alas she didn’t answer the phone and I was wondering to myself. That maybe she is busy,since it was her birthday. So I doze back to sleep and woke up at 10am. Which was already 7+pm there, which I tried again and this time it went thru, all the reaction and response I expected to received, did came through. I couldn’t help but found it amusing lol.
We chat for awhile before we both have to go. *smile* I love giving surprises when I want to lol..
After the phone call I had to do some paper work stuff for my dad before doing a lot of errand for the rest of my afternoon which technically burned my afternoon, as I wanted to set it aside for studying. During lunch before I set off for my errands running about, I spotted Jessie, whom was wearing a purple dress. it was quite nice actually, however she is busy and I was in a rush I left without saying hello but drop her a sms lol…. As I was leaving
Today had been a long day, firstly waiting for 2hr just for a piece of paper was a nightmare for me. then a long ass drive to get some documents submitted.
Ok I better wipe the smirk off my face after seeing Ciara reply on FB lol… it's cold in woodlands at night, it's like i am in new zealand during the day lol... the cool wind is blowing again this year. That why i love staying in this house. It's so cold that i have turn down my fan and snug up into my Comforter and sleep :)
-MajorDuivel faced death at 10:49 PM
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Tuesday, December 28, 2010
After a friend tried digging into me, trying to get me to open up. Basically it was done in a way like using a crowbar trying to pry open a gently box. Well we were chitchatting on the phone till I cant believe it 4am+, I didn’t really tell much to my friend about my life all this while. But maybe during that moment when I open the door and shut others to let out what I want only has caused me to feel emotionally unstable and it like the dam finally has a hole which is going to cause a great pressure and it will just burst.(somehow I feel like if the person read this, is going to kill me, AND NO U DIDN’T FORCE ME TO say what I said that day on what I shared with u. So this is not like blaming you okay *smile* )
So what happen was I didn’t reveal anything drastic/ or alot to this friend as we ended the call early and call it for the night. As I was coughing so badly that it was not helping either, So turning in for the night seems to be the best idea.So basically I slept on Wednesday morning lol… my body was super tired as I woke up like early for my precious mikey.
When I met up with a friend later on, she was helping me out with something, nothing too serious. I decided to give it a try and let out my darkest secret. It’s like after hide the skeleton in my closet so I let out one which I feel she was not aware of. As for the rest of the gang I think they MAY or May not know since Lenny was always teasing me around them so yeah... I guess they did catch on with the teasing and squabble I have with lenny on that topic. And if anyone out there thinks that I am in a relationship with LENNY, DEFINITELY NOT. Lol…
SO I TOLD JENNY, about my personal taste of things. And I did open up to tell her or rather share what I went through in a summary way with all those feeling and memories swelling up my mind(it didn’t felt good). I felt the monster fighting to explode outwards when I started telling her instantly. She listened and shared with me as she was surprised that I encountered almost similar stuff to her. It was a gamble I had to take, to know the truth behind somethings.
So basically on theory we encounter is almost the same thing just I think mine is more complex unlike hers but well everyone has a different past. She agrees that she understand why Lenny and I are so much matured of our age compared to her, whom is much older than both of us, and is embarrass to face us at times. Because all our thinking and decision we made are so much wiser and matured which she won’t even get to come up with or know what to do even at her age. Quote from her “ It’s like you are a 23 years old but your thinking is like a 30 year old. Which is rather shocking… I had wish I was as strong as you and lenny”
I told jenny at the moment of time I decided to let out that important secret first which was about how I am slowly feeling comfortable where I will place my heart at. (*evil smile* this is seriously a vague phrase im not being direct lol ;p if u don’t understand IF U READ THIS AND WANT TO Clarify on what u read just come ask me.) She told me : “this is like the most significant moment in my life for you to share with me what you have told me”
I apologies to her as I didn’t expect to tell her almost 50% of my things as I told her it’s like Im breaking down internally part by part after isolating things when answering my friends question in the wee hours. However Lenny knows everything, he heard me explain everything with the monster running loose.(she didn’t need to know, lenny know everything lol, as in 98%)
I was lucky to do a rain check that the monster was being locked up because I felt that the more I said the more it will be released and the person you see in front of you would be a different one.
Why did I say I was gambling on this person to share my thing.
I want to see how much I should trust this person after knowing for 5 years. Somehow my trust level is not so high but I think she is a person who will keep secret. And if it doesn’t get kept then I will know what to do then *smile* everything always has a plan.
I’m still the evil one, doing such a thing and only I would be able to do it.
Before we parted our ways, I did state that I trust her enough, as I know that she won’t Declare to everyone about this but if it was someone else, That Bitch, It would then be a different story then. So I did boost up that confidence level of her towards me as a friend.
DAMN I FEEL EVIL AND BAD. But anyway that secret is a real one anyway. We shall see how it goes. But I was being 99% genuine wanting to be her friend for real for the first time. To get to know what the hell is going on in that Skull.
DUIVEL
-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:33 AM
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Friday, December 17, 2010
What an emotional rollercoaster.
14months ago on 14th of October my grandma pass away. It was a very hard blow for all of us, however exactly 12 months later(1 year) we were still very stricken by the feeling that we lost a important family member around us, especially when I saw the photos of my gram. And on Tuesday morning,14 of December my auntie passed on, which was too sudden for anyone of us to accept.
Yesterday, I had the same feeling coming over me when I was on the way to the crematory(it was just the same as one year ago.) It was exactly the same type of weather and the journey to the crematory was that heavy stricken. It was raining a little when we arrived at the crematory, I couldn’t help but find it funny that during my grandma funeral. When I arrived at the crematory I rushed to look for a toilet as nature call was so spot on as always and it was the same for yesterday.
When I walked into the service hall with my relative I was shocked as this is exactly the same hall my grandma held her final service before … anyway there is too many coincident, 14th of the month with a duration of 14 months apart, 14 seems to be like the number which seems to be appearing among us.
the service where some familiar ppl coming to wish us for our lost. Felt so similar to my grandma that I was slightly sadden by it as memories of that day keep appearing before me. The worst part was the viewing gallery which my grandma coffin was set into, was the same one as my grandma again. this time when I was inside I was trying to control my emotion but it started to flow out as I saw my auntie coffin being loaded into the roller device. The wail of my cousin and niece caused every family member to cry and even my brother whom I saw was holding it back too was tearing while looking out for my cousin just in case he might faint or bump his head,whereas I was supporting my niece from the back. For that moment of time I was very convince that it was like my grandma funeral again.
I told another cousin “the duration is too short…” “to short for us all to recover after what happen last year” twice once was 2 days ago and another was before the final service. There was this particular song which when they started playing all of us was choked in tears that even my brother would run away from It. I name that song as the “killer”song as it will definitely cause everyone of us to burst into tears immediately.
We will be okay, my family (relative and cousins) we will pull this thru and be okay in time.
Major Duivel
There is never a lasting Hello as there is a Forever Goodbye.
-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:59 PM
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Monday, December 13, 2010
I wonder am I too eager to score well. I mean that for my quiz I have a plan because my grades 25% comes from the quiz and I am thinking of getting this 25% fully at least I have 25% confirmed in my hands. And I only have 5 quiz so each is 5% to my final grade. My first attempt for the first quiz yesterday I got 80% and I am slightly unhappy. After that I could view my quiz and I know which one I got it wrong. And I gave it a lot of thought not only for the quiz but for my final exam I would know how to do it.
Today I got the answers I want as I slowly thought through it. Now I am left with 1 more try for my quiz and I am still not doing it yet. Btw I did share what I found out with my friend, Rachael who still have not done the quiz because there were some error with hers.
So 25% from the quiz and 25% from lab and the final 50% comes from the final paper. If I secure the 25% I would be happy but that doesn’t mean I will slack off for the final test because I have a goal to get H.D for all my units lol. I know it is abit greedy. (H.D= Highest Distinction) but that how I am.. if u know me I will always aim high in a way.
Sigh~~~ ok.. Recently my cough Is still that bad at least ONLY at night. But it can still be irritating when I am sleeping I am coughing >.<.
I hope I hurry get well soon.
Oh yeah.. I had trimmed my hair alittle and change the style alittle and now I have this Fringe lol.. which makes me like cooler lol… I won’t dare quote my mom lol... She said it loOK “sexier” lol 0_0 lol… I don’t know… cooler suits me the best
Major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 5:35 PM
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Saturday, December 11, 2010
The pesky cough is irritating me to the core. It gets so bad at night that it ultimately disturbed my sleep so much that I keep waking up from a very violent cough. And the cough is those dry irritating cough which I realized it can rupture into a massive continuous cough. And it seems like the cough have strengthen my stomach muscle that now when I cough my stomach muscles are aching like crazy. THANKS GOODNESS it is not my chest area that is hurting. I remember once I had a bad cough that whenever I cough my chest hurts because it was SO violent and painful lol.
Ok I am off to school. HEHE… I am seeing a brighter day for me now as I am starting to Warm myself up to my classmates and realized that I am making friends with ppl from RP first lol…. How weird is that lol..
-MajorDuivel faced death at 12:09 PM
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Tuesday, December 07, 2010
It has been awhile since I update.
I had started going to school how would I say, I met a nice friend, even though she might graduate earlier than me. But I am still glad I met her, Lol we always meet up 30 minutes before class to discuss our lab or any other doubts we have on the lessons.
It had been crazy I tell you. I have been super into studying. My brain is fully wrapped around this and made me like a nerd somehow. I know I can do this and I will Fight through.
HANG IN THERE ~ *tell myself*
My lecture he said something quite true today, Since you had already study so many years and you get where you are now and what you want is the piece of paper to get your dream job. Just do what u need to do and Study well. He even told us his method or rather methods to study. And I realized that is what I have been doing for his lesson since the start :) so indeed this method is a workable one haha… somehow i can feel that he is trying to motivate us or remind us why we are there in the first place.
-MajorDuivel faced death at 12:03 AM
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