Death, is only the beginning...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Many would have wonder where have I gone?
such as I have been missing like out of action or something.
well, if you really want to know ask me personally then *snicker* haha...
I have a long ass day today,
Thanks for the shirt Bon… (I like andre’s a lot too hahaha sometimes I feel like signing up in that university printed on his shirt hahaha) I am surprise you know my shirt size hahaha…

anyway.. I had a long day and it ate up 80% of my brain and I think my life have become so distasting that I feel like taking a sledge hammer and smash every single thing up, in my brain, not physically.

Ok now I found fact abt my dog so correct:
Most terrier breeds are remarkably similar. The same words are used over and over -- quick to bark, quick to chase, lively, bossy, feisty, scrappy, clever, independent, stubborn, persistent, impulsive, intense.
those are some things they wrote I find most of them quite true tho http://www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/silkyterriers.html

I AM blasting Classical TO COOL the brain down.
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What would happen when your safe haven has been invaded?
What would you do to move your safe haven into a new one?
What would you recommend?
A complete disappearance off the world,
that sounds like a plan to come up with but hard to execute without the right resources.
guess I have to come up with something new to hide my safe haven.
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I am tired so I am off to cool in my air condition room, Trying to get back sanity or rather piece back my broken brain.

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:50 PM

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

i wrote this on my tumblr. But hey my tumblr is like a spare place, I never really blog there alot,
i thought it would be good to share this on this active blog.
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Would you let go when it is time?
Would you look back and regret making that decision of letting go?
is it a good thing to let go of something which was dying in your clutch and seeing it carry on living well yet deep inside you were hurting?
What happens when there is no more ‘would you’ but changed to ‘can you’
can you let go?
Can you look back and not regret?
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I can’t remember why I wrote that but hahaha… I never remember what it was when I wrote anything.

today I finally chat with ciara hahha it’s been awhile since the whole CNY thingy I was so busy so as she was. And suddenly out of the blues (No, ciara I am not going to divulge what our conversation was so don’t worry when you read this) it was something to do with her Personal message on msn which I find it interesting and one of the keyword was Pride. And at that point of time I felt that I didn’t know what ‘pride’ is anymore so as ‘dignity’.
Isn’t it confusing when something to do with pride has something to do with dignity it’s a package. When you lose pride you will lose dignity all together. But when you gain dignity it doesn’t mean you gain pride back. A person pride is not easily repaired, now if that is the case then isn’t it same as egos. If everything is almost the same yet having so many terms then why have it in the first place.

What really happen to a person who lost their pride, dignity and egos all together?
----
something different from that whole brain bashing on words

I keep having vague dreams, the most vague one I had was on Monday after speaking to bon on msn. I end up having another vague dream again. This time it was weird, SUPER duper weird. Bon I know u read this, no strange shit except I know someone was capturing me and but This one was SUPER LIKE action movie hahaha…. I don’t remember it well.

I wonder when can I have stop having strange dreams of ppl?

the other day I wrote this while chatting with bon

“sometimes when we are desperately reaching out our hands and there is nothing solid for us to on to that is how empty we can be”

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 10:35 PM

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Chinese New Year just blew by me like any normal wind just breezing by Singapore.
It was something which is remarkably Boring yet fruitful in a way (if u are looking at the money prospect)
I don’t really bother about the money prospect as the amount of red packet doesn’t excite me anymore, but rather I would rather stay home watch some movies and relax with some booze (maybe). My CNY was spend with my folks travelling around, seeing sights and sound in quiet Singapore where there is nothing to do much during this festive season.
Seriously you won’t want to know what I have done in those 3 days (CNY last for 15 days for those who dun know, currently it is the 7th day now) I was so tired that I could sleep for days and during those period I was keeping myself away from all the snacking as binging was the only thing to do. It’s either eat or drink to keep yourself occupied for hours. Just one lucky day I get to try my luck or two with blackjack and I won a little just for fun. (I don’t gamble and neither do I encourage it).

I want my friends back but what am I going to do to savage it?
I have been pondering on this question on how am I going to or rather how can I make sure my Best friend and I will not drifting further apart and be like complete strangers whom we all once knew each other. Guess it is time for me to do “rescue the friendship” operation haha…

guess it will only work when Poly starts they vacation and I will have to hang out with my peepz before I go to uni or we will be in a complete different universe all together. Save what I can and drop what I can’t hahaha… sounds mean but will i be dropping ppl off? *shrug* I dun know. beats me too :)

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something random:

A book is a object which could open up and close anytime as it is accessible.
A person is something which could easily close itself but not be accessible for it to open up.
a lock could only be open when it wants to ,
so tell me isn’t it how we humans are, we are a book, a lock and a person like how I describe above all roll in one to be named complex personality people.
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Major Duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:17 AM

Friday, February 12, 2010

Today it was a long day. I was awoken by my boisterous brother who was talking on the phone like in the morning 7+ to 8 am. I was on the verge of shouting at my brother to talk softly. This is the problem when your rooms are next to each other and your door is open. But I quickly dose back to sleep as I was too lazy to shout at him to keep it down.

and the next thing I remember was someone calling me from a distant which was my mom and a pair of hands touch me and I was shock and woke up. The night before I actually promise my mom to follow her to go to the market for groceries shopping but the next morning seeing that I was so sound asleep she came to tell me to carry on sleeping and when I wake up help her do some stuff. And I was mumbled a reply and was drifting off again my bro came into the room and start rocking me forcefully to irritating mikey, who was on the bed. When I started to yelp due to the forceful Rock, mikey started to growl at him. And my mom end up laughing I was still groggy and my mom told me to just go back to sleep. And what really woke me up was when my brother blare his stereo system with limp bizket and trust me hot dog flavor water is gonna me you curse at him. So it would be 47 fuck in that fucked up rhymes with mine included. But I was sleepy and started to shuffle my way to the master toilet and my mom was shock seeing me there, thinking it was the little emperor (mikey) who woke me up and I said no the other one (my bro) was the one who woke me up.
The whole day I was doing things for CNY. morning was groceries shopping , mid afternoon was helping my mom do some cleaning then afternoon it was washing of the car. I went to wash the car on my own haha.. spend abt 2hr+ washing.
and now I am tired.
5 mins ago my god pa just called and asks if we wanted to go Shanghai dolls hahah canto place again…. I think If I am going it will be for the booze only haha he ask me if I want to go DRINk hahahaa.. I seriously need some drink to calm my unnerving nerves.
but chances of me not going is high as there are lots of stuff to be done and i am tired to travel to boat quay plus after all the running about i think i will settle and drink something at home

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 9:36 PM

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I guess I always dread CNy just because there is so much preparation work to be done just for one festival. I wonder would there be a day when CNY become something that everyone would just look at it and shrug it aside as a normal day. It’s getting irritating with all the errands running about the place. Ok I stop talking about CNY as a Chinese I should be happy but some part of me is not. So be it then.

A friend text me at 3am in the morning(1 day ago i guess i cant remember) and I was so knocked out that day to reply her with a thoughtful answer as this question is something I don’t even have the answer at the point of time( It took me a couple of minutes to read a one liner Chinese text message which I didn’t have a proper brain power to function) But honestly I was very tired and groggy but I understand the question which got me thinking the next day well this is the question “as a human being is it possible for us to disappear without any string attached/conditions”

Sometimes I do feel that I want to disappear as I can’t stand it anymore.
For my friend to answer your question, we all can disappear it is whether do you want to do it or not. As do you want to drop everything and say I Had enough and I am going to just disappear without a trace and leave everything behind.

now after saying this, I didn’t understand your definition of disappear is it like escaping from everyone and go somewhere where no one know you or do you mean Complete disappearance like no such existence in this world or you could just simply said capture by aliens. (please enlighten me on and if u read this it is solely my POV and I don’t have a book to look up for such a answer thus I can’t give u a straight answer for this question as such a question only you can answer for yourself.)

isn’t it a bit scary that our life is filled with conditions and attachment here and there that sometimes it suffocate us to the point that we are trying our best to gasp for air.

Sometimes when I smile, doesn’t mean I am happy.
Sometimes when I laugh, doesn’t mean that I am really joyful.
Sometimes when I keep quiet, doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion.
Behind every smile, laughter and silence I am simply trying to hide my real feelings.
Feelings that will never be shown,
for I have forsaken myself, so will you be able to see through my pretext ?

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 11:55 PM

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Let me do my last min blogging.
it was horrible on Sunday. It was absolutely a bad day for everyone in my family. Electronics devices were all faulty and this drives us nuts a little. Things weren’t as smooth as it should.

My dad upgraded my bro’s room stereo set. His LG player went to my room as my hi5 set was faulty and I can’t listen to any cd’s. So my brother got his own room theatre with full sound surround system and it was pretty cool as I was watching a movie in his room I like it.
I end up having a sore shoulder for carrying my cpu tower yesterday and today I had to go pick it up and I gotten a sun burn while fixing my car’s stereo system. It was having problems. Yes I spend a good amount of time there and I got a tan arm now.
V day and CNY is together I guess for me it would only be CNY and no V day. Even tho it is international friendship day cum Chinese New Year, but everyone would be busy and hanging out that day is stupid most places would be close or the pricing would be twice the usual.
now I wish I was in S.D so V day would be a friendship day . hahah… ;)

major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 2:34 AM

Friday, February 05, 2010

I hate it when I become the phone operator for my parents. I know I am skillful in talking to company’s who products has problem and they are not making their customer happy. But it seems I am always the one doing the talking and my folks would be the one calling the shots and yes I am the one physically calling them up abt the whole thing.

My appetite is seriously screwed up. When I see food I feel full, when I put it in my mouth after a few bite I felt that it is enough. And I get that feeling if I were to think of food lots of food I think I might just vomit. Nin said that maybe I am too stress after asking me if I was sick. I hope this keeps up thus it would be like a free weight lost program hahaa..
Today it was interesting as I was chatting with someone as it was really funny and fun for us to come out with a trip to the Caribbean seas with plenty of sharks in the water hahaha… I really hope we would carry on with our plans haha

Major duivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 10:23 PM

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I wonder am I losing my mind or what.
As sometimes after a while certain things that I didn’t notice became a habit and after not completely that habit cycle it feels like something is off. when actually this ‘thing’ aka habit was not in your system in the first place, it was like added on which it was not in your daily routine at all and suddenly one item on your checklist is missing I bet it felt weird and you would be completely lost as you don’t what to do anymore.
I am trying to modify or readjust my habits as this kind of bad habits isn’t useful or good to me. But rather it will make me feel weird thus I have make up my mind to kick certain habits and create other good habits.

After chatting with V, I notice I am starting to neglect my friends it’s not like I am really neglecting them it’s just that we are drifting apart slowly in our own ways that now we are all on different paths of our lives and we are too busy to contact each other. Thus I think I will make an effort to stay in contact with V first as a start. I am glad she like my CNY card hahaha..

Something is amusing me and the more I think about it, the more interested I’m to find out what is my friend’s reaction when he heard what ciara is going to tell him. Rofl… I can’t really visualized his facial expression as ciara would be telling billy “sorry, I am sort of engaged to prissy” ROFl… I think xin would be twitching in his position and billy would be flabbergasted. Or maybe I might get a punch from him. Hahaha I dun know… but I will scheme this with ciara hahaa.. I am not worried about billy or xin finding it out here as THEY DUN READ my blog hahaah or even know of this place. Then after seeing their reaction I think I might die of laughers.

I wonder does everyone see their friends as potential customers or clients.
I don’t understand why some people can’t differentiate or draw a line that friends are not your potential gold mine and you always start digging at them when you need them. If they are not your friends then I think it is 100% ethically alright for you to start digging at them. But if they are your friends like GOOd friends I think it is not ethically right to keep selling things to them. I don’t know and I don’t want to get involved with whatever is happening now. So I shall leave it as that.

Ciara good luck in your studies regards from yours truly ROFL… (only if u see this hahaha and i HOPE u dun as u should be studying ahah )

Major DUivel

-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:10 PM