Thursday, December 31, 2009
A New Year is arriving, and it would be a time to bury whatever mistakes and grudges we have in 2009 and move on to the coming New Year. When you are looking forward for the New Year, it would always be setting new goals, new resolutions and a new start for the year.
But I wonder is there a real new start of our life, like a reset button, or was it being said so everyone would subconsciously feel better?

I know I did certain good and bad things, I am not that sort of person who will reflect like at the whole 2009 and then go apologizing to everyone and say Hope the New Year arrives It would be on a whole new page. It’s like you slap someone first then you apologized just because you will feel better for the New Year. (i will just take note and try not to do it again)
For me a new year is like another chapter of the same book. Where others would see it as closing of an old book and a new book arise.

If you ask me what is my New Year resolution or goals. I would say I don’t know as I don’t want to set them as most of the time I won’t fulfill them when I set them. But I will fully embrace the new year with courage as whatever obstacle is ahead and run into it with full force.(of course not blindly)

Happy new year my friend’s I hope your new year is a greatly lavish one.

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What was said was never done,
What was done was never said,
what was done and said was never showed.
What was showed was not what we want.
What we want will never be showed.
What we don’t want will always be lingering.
What we hope will always be diminished.
So tell me now how is it possible to break through all these?
I would simply tell you to look forward,
And not expect anything,
fight all the way through,
till you see your light which will lead you to your dreams.
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Major duivel


-MajorDuivel faced death at 6:56 PM

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009
How can you feel both excitement and anxiety at the same time?
Somewhere in me I feel like I am getting sick like I saw something horrible that I want to vomit.
Its exactly the same feeling what I am feeling now.
I have this excitement yet anxiety feeling which is making me sick.
I know this is the not the first time I am having a short trip with my folks and there isn’t always a perfect getaway. But somehow I cant stop feeling this way.

I am not sure am I like 150% happy. But I think when it is time, I would just heck care all emotions and just enjoy my little getaway to the fullest. Maybe it is the phobia I had travelling with family members.
*shrug* I can’t be bothered now.
I am going to genting for a day and play all the thrill ride and I am gonna enjoy screaming my lungs out. and the rest i would be in KL

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What was it that you wanted to say?
What was it that you wanted to do?
Why do you keep appearing in my dreams,
when I don’t even know you in the first place.
Were you all the same person?
Sometimes I think you all are the same person,
just in a different day with a different situation that I will meet you.
Now can you please tell me what is it?
For every time when I meet you,
I know you know me but I don’t.
Please don’t talk in riddles for I don’t understand.
Please tell me what does all these dreams meant?
For every time when I woke up I can only vaguely remember what happen and what you said.
Thus I beseech you, please tell me who you are and what do you want.
For I don’t know why, every single one of you felt so familiar and close.

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ps: MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIENDS.... HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR TOO HOPE U GUYS GET DRUNK AND WASTED FOR THE NEW YEAR

Major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:43 PM

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
hey everyone,

i notice my playlist music is missing. actually no.. it is actually that the songs we put into our music players are video and the simple skin we chose for our music player cant support it.
thus the only way is put it into the ipod skin like what i did.

I also change my song list in this playlist.
i added some local artist like Shirlyn tan- window --> I LOVE THIS song alot , hope u guys like it i am so gonna buy her cd and maybe go Wala wala to see the unexpected (she and her band) performs there.

another local artist is daphne khoo- desperate.
the rest are international artist

major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 3:54 PM

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Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sometimes things are all shaken up but eventually everything will go back to its original place or at least somewhere and not all over the place.
I guess this applies to anything and everything.
Everyone would have their rightful place to be or at.
But it only depends on whether is it suitable for you or do you feel comfortable being there.
Sometimes it take us a lifetime to understand our self first in order to find out is this particular thing suitable to yourself. Thus in the end we all will find our own finish point and look back at it and glee that we actually did so much in order to get to this finishing line.
Now I wonder, what kind of surrounding would I see at my finishing line?

MAJOR DUIVEL
-MajorDuivel faced death at 5:15 PM

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Thursday, December 10, 2009
I can’t understand how can someone be so overly hyper sensitive to words?
A simple miscommunication could lead to a full earful nagging of what I deemed as an act of rash impulse. Does it matters if you are going and maybe you are going? These two are the same, as even thought it was my blunder to say ‘you’ would maybe be going, as the actual fact is you want to go.
Come on what’s the difference? If the word maybe doesn’t appear in your dictionary then I can’t educate you on it as maybe is 50/50 you can Go and you may not. So you can just confirm if you are going only, and you don’t need to make a big fuss. Or read too much into stuff saying I was twisting up the fact on you wanted to go. So now tell me, if you say you are going and in the end you can’t then what’s the difference with Maybe you are going?
Now when someone tell you the timing to be there and you start complaining “HOW can I make it there in time it is too early?” now tell me what do you take it from listening to these words? And as a kind soul you replied: “it’s ok if you can’t make it, you can don’t need to attend.” And that person when hopping raging mad again, saying you that you are stopping the person from going or demanding that person not to go and who are you to stop that person from going.

If these kinds of things keep carrying on trust me I will really walk out of all matters and not be so actively involved with them anymore. I will make sure I will be busy and not accompany them that often. I had enough of these whole I WANT TO T AKE CONTROL drama shit. You are already THE EMPRESS what else do you want? Throwing your weights around is not enough? Making others having a horrible time is not enough?
I can’t understand why can you just calm down and listen for a moment as sometimes things don’t always appear as what you take it from. If you nagged and scold someone for 30 minutes do you think that person Attitude would be real nice, the tone would be good? I doubt so, therefore before you say someone is rude to you, try to think about was that person rude in the first place or it was something else that trigger this person to be this way.
And I really think you never reflect on what you did, you do things your own way. living with a motto : “My way or the highway” ,“I am always correct”. But at times you act, as weirdly dumb as I wonder is it on deliberate or you are programmed this way.
I am so tired from all these I want to hide away. Or maybe I am still hiding somewhere.
Will there be a day when I am calm to not involved with all these and be happy?
Every time I am near to “it” I feel I get everything happy sucked away. So many ‘Dos’ and ‘don’t s’.
I am living with invincible Rules and regulations
Here is another thing I found out today. You can’t trust anyone not even your own father. YES NOW MY ATTENTION IS DIRECTED AT Him. I was basically ranting about what happen (word is ranting like what I wrote above) and you know what he did?
he told me “you have no determination,” I asked him “What do u mean I don’t have determination? In what way”? He said “in everything”. I asked him again “Give me a example” he then said “ You have no determination , 忍 you cant (忍)REn , you just cant ren, what you just did was blare everything”. Now it really ticks me off “do you know these two words are different?” “Do u know what determination is” then we went into a full scale argument. HE said some mean stuff and I was still controlling my anger I didn’t even blow up and blare at him. And he went on saying SEE you have no determination. ( I did talk back to him ) I also warn him that if I were to really blare at you it would be worst. And you know what he said “I WAS PLAYING WITH WORD TO ARGUE WITH HIM” who was the one using words he don’t know in the first place.
I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH…. I HAVE NO NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ON MY SELF-control of my anger, endurance is the fucking English word not determination.
ENDURANCE (/tolerate) I DON’T HAVE THEM and DETERMINATION if I fucking didn’t have this two I would have killed myself 10 FREAKING YEARS AGO. GOT THAT? (Yes ppl I have been an unhappy child since a long time ago)
FOR THOSE YEARS I BEEN A BOTTLER. Bottle things up AND someone told me I should not do that, I should let things out sometimes. EVEN THO I STILL BOTTLE THINGS UP, TRUST ME IF I explode it would be worst that what I said in that little girly tiff. You know I had it when adults say “IS THIS HOW U TALK TO YOUR PARENTS”. SO now tell me what should I do Bottle things up and explode and things get even nasty than what it was. Or should I speak my mind and get accused like that.

I had it, I HAD ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING, HOW FUCKING SELFISH YOU ALL ARE. It’s always about you not about others. If THIS IS A COMMUNIST STATE THEN I WILL AGREE THAT WE CANT SPEAK OUR FUCKING MIND. AND SUCH A SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT CANT BE DONE then fine. I will go back to my old days and start to Bottle up and explode again. I was an angry kid and I still can be.
I started to be cynical when I was 10. What difference does it make when I’m already so big now? You just added more on that notch.
My friend lenny always tell me Endure it and it will be over. BUT how long can one endure all these shit 5 years, 10 years 20 years or my entire life.
BECAUSE MY DAD SAID I HAVE NO DETERMINATION, Guess what I am DETERMINE TO MAKE HIS LIFE MISERABLE.
Some of you might think this is childish. BUT I seriously have enough of taking crap, shit and whatever thrown at me; I had enough of being a fucking punching bag. Working with my father make me OPEN my eyes I won’t want to work for him, why? HE thinks I am idiot, raising his voice at me when I Scroll in too much or when I was switching between tabs to look for stuff to show him or simply when you ask him a question he started to RAISE HIS Voice again. And every time when i have a tiff with him over the drawing stuff, I will always say, oh yah… I am not like those ppl you pay to help you do your drawing because I AM FREE, therefore you can scold me, for those people you can’t.
Plus he DOESN’T LISTEN.
And the best thing is WHEN HE does a mistake, not my own fault. He calls me up, talking to me in a tone that IT was my fault.
Yesterday i went somewhere and I read the paper. I laugh and told my mom did she read about the drowning of 4 kids. I was laughing as I find it funny. As which kid will jump in to save their sibling when they can’t swim, shouldn’t they run and get the adults help? It is a sad case I know it is a sad thing but I find it funny how not 1 but 6 of them will be in the water. I was told by someone that I was not being sensitive and I was mean.
Can’t you see I give up on being nice,
I was taught that in humanity nice is an over-rated word and it was placed in the dictionary to make IT looks nicer. And being nice never gives you anything else back except an entire truck full of CRAP. I really have enough, even if I die even tomorrow I will not feel a single drop of sadness even though there are many things I never done yet or accomplish yet. I would rather feel a sense of relieve.

Time for me to escape into my own space,
I guess somehow I never left that dark place in my heart, it just grows and grow and spread. And the only peaceful place is that dark, black hole.
-MajorDuivel faced death at 8:44 PM

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Sunday, December 06, 2009
*pick up microphone*
“Ladies and gentleman, Step right up for an amazing show is about to begin”
“if you may please stay tuned for a Once in a life time show, which is not to be missed by any chance”
*drop microphone on the floor*

Now I gotten your attention, *smile*
I have been busy recently. So much has happened and so much stuff to settle.

on Friday night at 12am(midnight) mag, me, chin and xy went to surprise our birthday princess with a big surprise. Which she was so surprise that she didn’t know what to say(plus we know u are a sucker for surprises) we went over to her house and when it was midnight, I called her up even though her sister told me she was in the toilet I told her sister to Make sure she has to open the door immediately as I got a DHL person who would be there in a minute time as there is a package for her which she need to Receive it personally. We lighted the candles on the cake and was waiting infront of her house door, And when I was in front of the door I immediately cover the peep hole to see who was outside her house as I know the first things she will check is through the viewfinder to see who was it. Thus it was a surprise I can’t let her know that it was US outside. When she open the door we laughed like crazy at her reaction and started singing her birthday song.
We then started to Say “WE ARE THE FIRST to wish you happy birthday!!!”
this kind of surprise will only be done on special occasion, we have ignore the whole thing pretending we forget it is her birthday and she never expect us to be there in front of her doorsteps . As she only expects us to text her wishes.
It was super duper funny that night.
After I got back home I have to wake up in another 4 hours for my event.

I woke up feel ok, the event was not bad.
I would say it was really nice seeing how those primary 1 ongoing kids were so happy with simple things. The only headache thing is having them running about and screaming and stuff.
After the event I came back home Feeling very very uncomfortable. And I had other plans that night it was to go East Coast Park for a friend’s birthday party. I told my mom that I will rest first and see would I be able to go for that party as my decision to go was last minute, sort of an surprise to my other friend as I told her I won’t be able to attend this party.
When I woke up at 6pm or 7pm by my dad my body was still burning up and I feel very uneasy as I was down with a fever.
So yes I was down with a fever the whole night and feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t mind that I was the only one at home as my folks were worried leaving me at home all alone. But for me I won’t be doing anything except eat my meds and sleep.

This morning I woke up and my folks ask me to go out with them. I decline it again as I feel I might get sick again. And now I think I might be sick again, my body is starting to be feverish again.
And I feel lethargy again. I slept for 13 hrs I think.
Now what I hope is get well again. (This entire year I rarely fell ill thus I think this is the payback period before the yearend)

ps: i am still waiting for ppl to finish their exams then can go watch movies hahahaa
(please inform when it is over)

major duivel
-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:35 PM

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