Sunday, December 25, 2005
i am so dead, so tired been working and last night got drag out to go pubbing with my folks!
OK i wish everyone of my friends MERRY christmas and a happy new year !
i know i have not been writing anything for a long time (not blogging for those who know abt my writing knows what i am talking abt!) the other day something hit me when i was sleeping. like my mind is making up a so call poem itself or something!
Atreu cell(big brother) i will email it to u haha! but got to warn u first it sounds so gd the other night but now i hope i get it right and correct cause i hardly remember the words!
IT feels so good to have a good christmas and a whole new year is coming so it something to look forward as it a new chapter in life as we should not be stagnant at the past, as we should MOVE on! just like the song by sugar ray - keep on moving!
ps: cant wait to see ruixin and leonard present later hehe LOVE you guys u are SOOO gOOOD to MEEEEE THANKS FOR THE PRESENT
-MajorDuivel faced death at 5:07 PM
--
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
u know i cant believe i'm saying this but I MISS school! i just really miss being back in school having lesson with my teachers and friends. listening to a crappy old women talking abt her strategy .
After working i understand what ppl means by saying " studying is better then working!" i finally understand this saying! it true, working is hard and it a different ball of game from studying cause now u are not in that small society (within school) but facing a bigger one which is a harsher yet cruel one .
LOL i am not here to talk abt this! haha.....
first before all the ranting. I got Eagles award again and i am still waiting for my scholarship letter to arrive! cause a friend was behind me in class position got her letter aready so i am still waiting for mine GOSH why mine is always so late?
************ ranting starts from here **********
what just dont get it is my mom. she dont understand the situation i am in when i'm working and thinks it that simple as it seems like the working
Schedule . she keep saying u are off on weekend then u should not be working etc etc ... but after my constant reminder "yes i am not working on weekend but i am still on standby!" she just dont get it . And get piss off at me for saying ok for the schedule !
But hey i am the working and i know our situation(sabotage by some other ppl) but she thinks that my job is same like their office job which is a different ball game!
she would add by saying my job is inflexible,
i agree with that inflexible part but still when working just like studying u have to sarcifice something!
She just dont get it why i am working , at first she know to kill time but later because of something it change it became helping my dad out in certain load!
then my mom offer to find a office job for me. i rejected her as i dont want to do that kind of job i cant do that anytime next time which was what i told her!
i told her if u have plans or anything inform me dont just keep it quietly after my scheule is out then u go hopping mad at me . And add that you are supposed to be OFF tone! when i explain and u would rebut back " do anything u like! "
this is why sometimes i hate my life! u are trying to do what is right but it end up all wrong! NO ONE TOLD ME THEY HAD PLANS for CHRISTMAS EVE or anything ! and i agree to work at 6pm on christmas day(as i was ask to work in the morning ,i requested for a change so i could go for training)
she would say i am stupid to choice that timing as we would be at that area in the afternoon! and i wasting my time! I JUST WANT TO COME BACK HOME AND REST for a while before i work and also spend time with them THEY JUST DONT FUCKING GET IT! DO I nEED TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT !
sorry but this sound like i am blaming my mom but i am not i am really not!
i DONT know ,
i think i dont know myself,
i dont know my family,i dont know what to do,
i dont .................
sometimes i wish i dont exist.
i know my mom loves me and my brother alot.
and it pains her to see me work till so late and seldom see her
but ....................
i dont hate my mom i dont dislike her it just i am caught in a tough position.
********************************************************************
Now do u get why i say i miss school , at least things would be good!
-MajorDuivel faced death at 2:32 PM
--
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
ever have problems yet u dont show it but instead act normal?
yes, then i would say it tiring and stressful
no, i would say good for u!
it just seems that today my muscles are all aching due to not having training for a month plus and i am all so moody at work and unhappy that i think my mood is swinging again!
yes it back again the foulest mood i would ever had ever in my life is my mood swing.
i just dont know. i just feel so lost .... and it not my work that makes me like this but it me, myself is the one that is having the problem!
i change so much this year, yes i did . couple of days back i did a reflection on myself . And i realised i did change ... maybe in mindset . But anyway i am writing this when i'm having a foul mood so everything i say might be negative no point in typing this anymore anyway!
-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:21 AM
--
