Death, is only the beginning...

In Death I See Life
In Life I See Death
The Sweet Relief That I Long
The Hush Of Whispering wings
Have come to Take Me
Away, away

So which is more painful?
Death or Life?
Which would you choose?
For me there isnt any difference
For it has taken me
Away, away

Me
They call me Major DUIVEL
I have lived for 26 years
My Favourite Thing Is my watch
What i want most is lots of peaceful time
I want to be remembered by no one
I dote my DoG the most
I love my cd's the most
I love drinking and eating the most
I hate hypocrites
I dislike people who make me paranoid
I Hate it when PPL LIE
I hate it when PPl make use of me

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

wishlist(need to change)
Sony Playstation 3
~~a new cellphone~~
Nikon DSLR D90 /DSLR
~~Ipod/Iphone~~
~~external HDD~~
a new watch
~~a backpack or messenger bag~~
EUROPE TOUR
~~SIM 3~~
~~havaianas flip flop~~
a ticket to escape anyway where i want for 10 days
~~A holiday trip with my friends~~
A ************ (Haha.. not gonna tell ;P)
something else

My Friends
Evan
Mag
Li jia
Nichole(PF)
Seri
jarain
Jess
Ciara
ciara photolog

Places I Go
Blogger
Blogskins
The L word
the most recent tatu lyrics
lyrics to tatu songs!
YLC!
music video
t.A.T.u. + Rammstein
more tatu songs remix
Cool blog
Paintball guns

Talk To Me... Please

Credits
Designed By Serena
Blogger
Blogskins

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Hey beautiful,(I mean to everyone who read or even check this blog *other than myself*) the darkness is always one color. Given a chance to change it what would you think I would change to?

I am, not even sure does anybody read this blog or even look at it. As my tag box is so lifeless. (I am not complaining at all seriously). So much has been going on in my life. And every time went something happens I keep it inside me, I know there is Someone or a few people out there will be willing to hear me out but even if you guys are ready, I am not prepared as I won’t know where to start from. (Unless u catches me at that time at one of the problem)
There are so many thing, which people won’t want to hear or want to know thus most of the time I keep them in. some people might be able to relate to me as they have the same problem before or still having them. Sometimes honestly speaking, when I am smiling doesn’t mean I am happy I maybe crying, when I laughing I maybe frowning, and when I keep quiet it is not because I am angry but I am thinking or how not to be angry. There is so much complexity in me that I don’t understand but on top of that I know I have never been happy. I have not be fighting against anyone except myself as I was trying to outshine myself not for myself but for some impt ppl in my life to look at me, to notice me but it never work thus always I feel all my effort were in vain. Never have I once crossed their minds, or maybe it does but does it outweigh what they have in their mind. Such as ‘oh she is like that, never really need to be concern about!’ ‘She don’t need us to be around, she could handle things’. And etc thoughts. I don’t understand what Adults adult thinks about. Somehow I feel like I have never been praise before but always the opposite somehow condemn.

I been thru lots and lots of shit that somehow I feel that I had lost my sanity ages ago. And what I have now is insanity or a real crazy, out of this world life. Honestly speaking, I don’t remember much of my childhood days not because it was too good but it contains chapters and chapters of darkness I have that I had it overwritten my happy days.
At one stage I feel that life is a battlefield even at home, your own survival have to be self dependence as even the closes allies would betray you and stab u from the back. *raise both hands up in defiance* I know some of you would say “HEY! You are not the only one in pain and suffering and had to go through that even I did”. I understand that there are people out there who have the same problem as me, but do you always have them? Do you always live on to force yourself to laugh and you feel life is just another illusion. I have this poster that says “optimistic, always look towards the sun as the shadow will fall behind you.” I 150% feel that when I always look towards the sun the shadow will always slap my back into my face, as there was no sun in the first place to look at from the start.

Something to reflect about yesterday, I went out buying stuff for my folks for the BLOODY NEW YEAR! so as I exit the building I saw someone on the floor about 100 feet away from me. There were so many people around him plus two guys helping him out. I keep staring as I walk away, I didn’t know what is the pushing factor that got me to walk away and not do anything even though I went through lifeguard training got the cert but I just walk away. Then this thought came to me, ‘so what you are trained?’ ‘Do you think they need your help, it seems they got it control?’ ‘what makes it think you could help them?’ I keep thinking I am inferior and help was always not need from me. Then it hit me what if someone in front of my fainted would I help him/her? I am not sure would I do it. this is what I need to reflect on and think about.

i am not signing off as this is so Not duivel.

-MajorDuivel faced death at 6:43 PM