Death, is only the beginning...

In Death I See Life
In Life I See Death
The Sweet Relief That I Long
The Hush Of Whispering wings
Have come to Take Me
Away, away

So which is more painful?
Death or Life?
Which would you choose?
For me there isnt any difference
For it has taken me
Away, away

Me
They call me Major DUIVEL
I have lived for 26 years
My Favourite Thing Is my watch
What i want most is lots of peaceful time
I want to be remembered by no one
I dote my DoG the most
I love my cd's the most
I love drinking and eating the most
I hate hypocrites
I dislike people who make me paranoid
I Hate it when PPL LIE
I hate it when PPl make use of me

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

wishlist(need to change)
Sony Playstation 3
~~a new cellphone~~
Nikon DSLR D90 /DSLR
~~Ipod/Iphone~~
~~external HDD~~
a new watch
~~a backpack or messenger bag~~
EUROPE TOUR
~~SIM 3~~
~~havaianas flip flop~~
a ticket to escape anyway where i want for 10 days
~~A holiday trip with my friends~~
A ************ (Haha.. not gonna tell ;P)
something else

My Friends
Evan
Mag
Li jia
Nichole(PF)
Seri
jarain
Jess
Ciara
ciara photolog

Places I Go
Blogger
Blogskins
The L word
the most recent tatu lyrics
lyrics to tatu songs!
YLC!
music video
t.A.T.u. + Rammstein
more tatu songs remix
Cool blog
Paintball guns

Talk To Me... Please

Credits
Designed By Serena
Blogger
Blogskins

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

After a friend tried digging into me, trying to get me to open up. Basically it was done in a way like using a crowbar trying to pry open a gently box. Well we were chitchatting on the phone till I cant believe it 4am+, I didn’t really tell much to my friend about my life all this while. But maybe during that moment when I open the door and shut others to let out what I want only has caused me to feel emotionally unstable and it like the dam finally has a hole which is going to cause a great pressure and it will just burst.(somehow I feel like if the person read this, is going to kill me, AND NO U DIDN’T FORCE ME TO say what I said that day on what I shared with u. So this is not like blaming you okay *smile* )

So what happen was I didn’t reveal anything drastic/ or alot to this friend as we ended the call early and call it for the night. As I was coughing so badly that it was not helping either, So turning in for the night seems to be the best idea.
So basically I slept on Wednesday morning lol… my body was super tired as I woke up like early for my precious mikey.

When I met up with a friend later on, she was helping me out with something, nothing too serious. I decided to give it a try and let out my darkest secret. It’s like after hide the skeleton in my closet so I let out one which I feel she was not aware of. As for the rest of the gang I think they MAY or May not know since Lenny was always teasing me around them so yeah... I guess they did catch on with the teasing and squabble I have with lenny on that topic. And if anyone out there thinks that I am in a relationship with LENNY, DEFINITELY NOT. Lol…

SO I TOLD JENNY, about my personal taste of things. And I did open up to tell her or rather share what I went through in a summary way with all those feeling and memories swelling up my mind(it didn’t felt good). I felt the monster fighting to explode outwards when I started telling her instantly. She listened and shared with me as she was surprised that I encountered almost similar stuff to her. It was a gamble I had to take, to know the truth behind somethings.
So basically on theory we encounter is almost the same thing just I think mine is more complex unlike hers but well everyone has a different past. She agrees that she understand why Lenny and I are so much matured of our age compared to her, whom is much older than both of us, and is embarrass to face us at times. Because all our thinking and decision we made are so much wiser and matured which she won’t even get to come up with or know what to do even at her age. Quote from her “ It’s like you are a 23 years old but your thinking is like a 30 year old. Which is rather shocking… I had wish I was as strong as you and lenny”

I told jenny at the moment of time I decided to let out that important secret first which was about how I am slowly feeling comfortable where I will place my heart at. (*evil smile* this is seriously a vague phrase im not being direct lol ;p if u don’t understand IF U READ THIS AND WANT TO Clarify on what u read just come ask me.) She told me : “this is like the most significant moment in my life for you to share with me what you have told me”

I apologies to her as I didn’t expect to tell her almost 50% of my things as I told her it’s like Im breaking down internally part by part after isolating things when answering my friends question in the wee hours. However Lenny knows everything, he heard me explain everything with the monster running loose.(she didn’t need to know, lenny know everything lol, as in 98%)
I was lucky to do a rain check that the monster was being locked up because I felt that the more I said the more it will be released and the person you see in front of you would be a different one.
Why did I say I was gambling on this person to share my thing.
I want to see how much I should trust this person after knowing for 5 years. Somehow my trust level is not so high but I think she is a person who will keep secret. And if it doesn’t get kept then I will know what to do then *smile* everything always has a plan.
I’m still the evil one, doing such a thing and only I would be able to do it.
Before we parted our ways, I did state that I trust her enough, as I know that she won’t Declare to everyone about this but if it was someone else, That Bitch, It would then be a different story then. So I did boost up that confidence level of her towards me as a friend.
DAMN I FEEL EVIL AND BAD. But anyway that secret is a real one anyway. We shall see how it goes. But I was being 99% genuine wanting to be her friend for real for the first time. To get to know what the hell is going on in that Skull.

DUIVEL

-MajorDuivel faced death at 1:33 AM